Broken Bonds
by McRaider
Summary: The shapes were gray...but his sight was getting better all the time. Fourth in the Atlanitan Generation Series. Please R&R COMPLETE
1. The Fall

Broken Bonds  
McRaider  
Summary: Things just keep going wrong… Fourth in the Atlantian Generation Chronicles.  
Author's Note: This one gets more into McWeir and Sheyla, if you don't like it please don't feel obligated to read. However if you do, please read and Review:)

_He came face to face with a dead body, the eyes were wide open in horror and pain. He had been lying on top of the dead man. He jumped back in pain and fell against something, looking back he screamed again._

_He looked around, he was in a ditch…a ditch of dead bodies, some burned, and some still had skin on their bones. The smell began to over come him, he looked around for some way out, and the ditch was rough as deep as a shallow grave, perhaps four feet deep._

_He pushed himself away from the bodies, cringing at the feel of their cold dead skin under his fingers, and grappled to get up the sides of the small inclination of the ditch. The sides of the ditch were wet, as he pull his hands away he stared at the blood on them…his blood, their blood, everyone's bloods._

She became aware of his frantic movements by her side only moments after they begin. Rodney was obviously in the throws of another nightmare. She watched him for a moment, the waters reflection lighting the room only slightly; as he fought of his invisible enemy. Reaching out she gently touched his arms, "Rodney…" she whispered softly, hoping to break through the hell he was in.

Blue eyes snapped open, hazy with confusion. Turning his face he looked at her concerned features.

"Nightmare?" She was surprised, they hadn't been too bad lately.

"Uh…yeah," he replied as he moved from the bed. He swung his legs over the side and sat there for a moment. Making no movements, she watched him slowly his breathing down. He then stood and moved into the bathroom.

Elizabeth watched him sadly; their relationship on Atlantis was calm and easy in public. Everyone was aware of what they were, but beyond that was pure speculation. They acted completely normal around the others, allowing very little of their relations to shine through.

A little shoulder or touch of the hand, the occasional smile and shared glace was the most public form of affection. Elizabeth went to Rodney's rooms most nights, simply to talk. Most nights they just ended up falling asleep in each other's arms. At first they had been uncomfortable waking up in a different bed, let alone in the arms of another person. Now…now it almost seemed routine.

She smiled softly as he returned, he sat down beside her and looked at his hands for a moment. His color was a little better and he didn't look a frightened, "wanna talk about it?" She asked gently rubbing his back.

"It's always the same…" he whispered in reply.

"The bodies?"

"And the plague," he explained with a grimace.

"Well we've got four more hours to attempt sleep," he smiled and slid down the bed beside him. Elizabeth curled against his side and grinned when his arms slipped around her waist.

Major John Sheppard looked at Rodney early the next morning with a little concern. The man seemed sluggish, as though the four cups of coffee he had downed at breakfast and the two in his lab hadn't done their allotted job.

"All right AR-1, you're good to go," Elizabeth called from her bridge nodding at them. She eyed her best scientist, noting his bedraggled look and his hazy eyes. She hoped it was just temporary and that Rodney would snap out of this by the time he hit the planet. She didn't like the idea of sending him out if he was still in a haze from his nightmare, but she wasn't ready to call him on it just yet.

Hesitating, John led the way through the gate. She sighed and had a very bad feeling about this. The gate shut down and she looked over at Peter, "ma'am?"

"Let Carson know he should be on standby and ready if we need him," Peter looked at her for a moment then nodded.

The planet was dessert, covered in sand and a hot son glaring down at them, "this would be great for dirt biking," Ford said grinning.

Sheppard rolled his eyes and looked around, assessing what there was and where to go. However there didn't seem to be much and suddenly John wasn't sure he wanted to go anywhere on this planet, "Teyla, Ford got south, check out the area, get a feeling for the place, any various beings or plant life. We'll head north and do the same, we'll meet back here in…an hour."

Both Ford and Teyla nodded, their guns prepared they headed south, leaving McKay and Sheppard by the gate. John turned towards his friend and took the man in behind his sunglasses, "you good?" John asked.

Rodney looked at him and nodded. "fine," he replied.

"Good, let's go."

Rodney'smind had started to wander as they trudged through the drab planet. Rodney was quickly loosing any interest in this planet as the ache in his legs became constant. His mind began to wander to the past several months. He and Elizabeth were doing well, Carson and Emeena were getting closer everyday. It was no secret to anyone that the two cared deeply for each other, no secret they seemed to gravitate towards one another from the moment they first met.

"MCKAY!"

Rodney jumped at the sound of John's annoyed bark, "what?"

"What is with you?" John asked.

"I'm fine," hissed McKay.

"Based on my constant one sided conversation for the past ten minutes I'm starting to believe otherwise."

"Well I'm fine,"Rodney growled in a frustrated return.

"Fine, I'm going over there to check out the area, you stay around, and be careful, the edge around the cliff doesn't look too secure."

Rodney rolled his eyes and watched John move away. Rodney was exhausted, and he knew it, he also knew it was because of that sleeping pill he had taken only six hours ago. Perhaps if Rodney had been more focused on his surroundings he would have realized he was nearing the unstable part of the cliff that John had warned him about.

John sighed as he took one final look around the empty cave, no drawings, nothing to hint anyone had ever inhabited this planet. He pressed the buttons on his radio, "Ford?" He asked.

"I'm here sir," came the younger man's voice.

"Find anything?"

"Nope," Ford replied.

"Good, head back to the gate," John was making his way out of the cave he looked over to where Rodney was located. He shook his head seeing how interested the man seemed in his work. He felt his heart stop as Rodney's foot faltered , the sand and loose rock instantly gave under his unsteady footing and weight, "never mind that come find us!" John yelled into his radio,with that he rushed toward his friend.

However, in his's haste John only did more damage, the ground began to crack like ice under his weight and he felt himself falling as well. They were falling towards the cliff several feet below them. John cried out in pain as the left side of his face connected with the side of the cliff. Blackness instantly claimed him before they ever hit the ledge below.

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Like it, Hate it? Let me know...well okay if you hate it at least be gentle about it. I know it happened quick but it's the pace of the story.


	2. The Climb

Author's Note: Wow! That was a lot of reviews, hehe thanks! I'm gald you liked the first chapter, can't wait for you to read the rest, I love writing them :) Please R&R.

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"MAJOR!" Ford called through his radio, as he hurried towards the cries they heard. Before he could move further towards the cliff he felt Teyla's arm stop him. He looked down at the ground no more than ten feet in front of them, it was cracked ground and looked very unstable.

"Careful Lieutenant," she pointed to the side of the cliff.

"What should we do?" Aiden asked.

"Go through the gate, get Dr. Beckett, let them know they could be injured," Teyla said. Normally she wasn't really one to give directions, but this was one time they didn't have a chance to talk about who was the leader and who was the teammate. It was obvious John and Rodney would need their help and soon. Teyla watched him hurry back towards the gate; she paused and then carefully made here way over to the edge, very careful of the lose ground. She looked over the side and felt fear enter her heart.

Rodney lay very close to the edge of the small ledge, his right arm was angled oddly and hanging off the side of the edge, he was on his stomach not moving. Teyla could see that if Rodney woke up and moved he could easily roll off the ledge to his death. She couldn't see any further injuries, but getting a good look at him was hard. John lay closer to the cliff itself, on his right side, the entire left side of his face was covered in blood, but she couldn't see where it was coming from and if he was still breathing. He wasn't moving and he was already deathly white.

"Rodney," she pressed her radio button, hoping to get the man's attention, "Dr. McKay, if you can hear me, it is Teyla, do not move," she said hoping he could hear her. However the man below was showing no signs of hear or seeing anyone, he was unconscious.

"I'm receiving Ford'sIDC ma'am," Peter spoke looking up at Elizabeth.

Her face was full of concern. "Lower the shield," she called. She moved towardshim and watched as the sheild lower, they weren't due back for several more hours, which increased her worry by tenfold. Ford appeared through the gate only seconds after the shield had dropped.Elizabeth descended the stairs and looked at him. He looked worried and winded; it was obvious wherever he had come from it hadn't been all that close to the gate.

"We've got a problem, we need Carson, Major Sheppard and Dr. McKay fell off a cliff, they're injured, we can't get very close…" he said through gusts of air.

"Peter! Page Dr. Beckett!" she called back up to the man, "okay, try to calm down and tell me exactly what happened?" Elizabeth said calmly.

"I don't really know…we separated. Teyla and I went one way, the Major and McKay went another. Um…Sheppard said something about he was searching some empty caves…the side of the cliff had fallen away, so my guess is Rodney and the Major both went over…I don't know much more than that," he explained still winded slightly.

"Thank you Lieutenant," she said squeezing his arm.

Dr. Carson Beckett and Emeena Venkman hurried toward them, surrounded by a group of about four medical assistants, "What have we got?" Carson's accent thick.

"Major Sheppard and Dr. McKay fell off the side of a cliff to a ledge…they're hurt," Ford replied.

"All right lad, let's go then," Carson said.

Elizabeth looked up at Peter and nodded, with that the group watched the gate redial the planet, "bring them home safely," she said strongly.

Carson looked at her and smiled sadly, "we will Elizabeth."

With that they went through the gate. Carson took a moment to take in the hot dessert planet in around them. He didn't have much time to pause because Ford led them away hurriedly, "Teyla, we're back," Aiden called through his radio.

"You should hurry, I believe Dr. McKay is waking up," she spoke.

Carson looked at Emeena as they rushed towards the cliff, with all the gear. Carson spotted Teyla who had moved away from the edge and met them, "how are they lass?"

"Dr. McKay is waking, he is dangerously close to the edge of the ledge, he could fall if he moves, I fear he can not hear me through his pain. Most of the rock around the cliff is more stable."

"How is Major Sheppard?" Carson asked as they carefully moved towards the side. Carson knelt down and looked down at his two friends.

"He does not look good," Teyla explained.

"I concur. Have either of them responded to you talking to them?"

"No, they were both unresponsive until about two minutes ago," she explained.

"We have to get down there, the ledge doesn't look large enough to hold more than one more person and I wouldn't hold out any hope for it holding too much weight. I'll go down, Ford, find something to tie the end of the rope to, there's a tree right over there. You'll lower me down, then I'll send the rope back up to you. You will send me the litter and a second rope," Carson looked at all the gear and lifted the med kit into his hand.

"Sir?" Ford began looking up at the doctor.

"I'm ready son, let's do this," Carson tried the rope around his waist, then stepped to the edge of the cliff, taking a deep breath he took the first step.

The climb down was a nightmare for Carson. He was positive he would never forget the decent for the rest of his life. It was slow and agonizing, while he wasn't really afraid of heights, he wasn't thrilled about them either. He continued to lower himself, knowing two of his medical team as well as Aiden were up top lowering him down. His hands were sweaty as he tried to grasp tightly to the rocks. His hands and feet slipped twice sending a shower of pebbles down on his friends. He closed his clear eyes in relief when he felt his feet finally touched the ground.

"Ca…Car…" came the mumbled reply from under him. Carson looked down at Sheppard, his eye's were closed and covered in blood. Carson quickly let go of the rope, yanking it for Ford to pull it back up. He then knelt down with his kit between Rodney and John.

"Rodney, can ya hear me lad?" He asked softly. He was worried about moving Rodney in case he had a back or neck injury.

"Hurts," Rodney murmured in obvious pain.

"I know Rodney, but I need you to stay very still, do ya understand me?" He waited, Rodney's pale blue eyes looked up at him, the haze from earlier was gone, and now there was only pain and fear.

"My fault," he whimpered.

"No, this isn't your fault lad, now don't move, I'm going to get John up top first, then I'll move you okay?" he waited.

Rodney closed his eyes in understanding. Carson gently patted his friend's shoulder then moved over to John. He carefully looked over the man, the left side of John's face was already bruising, there was a cut just above his eyebrow; covering his face in bright crimson blood. Carson felt over him for any breaks or bruises, he found a broken rib and a twisted ankle but otherwise John was going to be fine.

"Send the litter down laddie," Carson called up. He watched moments later as the stretcher was lowered down to him, "John, I don't know if you can hear me lad, but you're going to be fine, this may hurt a little, but it's the only way to save you." He moved the Major as carefully as he could, happy that the man was unconscious and unable to feel the pain. Once he had John on the litter and strapped on carefully without hurting him further he pulled the rope, letting Ford and the other men and women above know he was ready. Carson watched as they pulled John up, it was a slow process, almost as slow as him being let down. He watched the hands grab the stretcher and pull him over the cliff. He felt his breathing become regular again when he saw the secondstretcher being lowered back down to him.

"Okay Rodney," moving over to his friend Carson looked at the scientist. His eyes were still closed, but it was obvious how much pain he was in. The line in his forehead creased tightly. Carson reached out for the stretcher and brought it down as close as he could to Rodney.

"Now, this is going to hurt, so work with me here," reaching under the man's arms he gripped him tightly and moved Rodney.

"Oh god!" Rodney cried out in pain as he was placed on the litter. His face pale in pain, whimpering and grimacing; his breath was coming in ragged gasps.

Caron placed a hand on Rodney's forehead and the other in his hand, "I'm here lad, just breathe through the pain." He watched and waited a few moments, allowing the pain to dissipate.

"Hurts," whimpered Rodney.

"I know, just breathe." Carson replied.

Within a few moments Rodney's face began to relax marginally. Carson sighed and pulled the rope. Carson watched again as Rodney began to process of being pulled up to the top of the cliff. Rodney was only half way up when he began to obviously stir.

"Rodney, stay still," Carson called, but he kept moving. Carson watched the stretcher pitching back a forth, "Rodney!" Carson called.

Ford was taking some steps back, he never noticed the small rock behind him. The next step he took he slipped on the rock, crying out in pain as he lost a hold of the rope. Carson watched in horror as the litter began to fall, pitching around again. Rodney cried out in pain as it came to a sudden jerk. His decent had stopped, but the damage was done, Rodney was quickly becoming more agitated. There were only a few more feet to go before the top of the cliff.

Ford got his hands back on the rope and helped the rest of the doctors and military men pull the stretcher up. Hands reached for the litter and pull him over the edge.

"Untie him and get Carson up here," Ford called. He gripped his ankle and watched as they untied Rodney and then threw the rope back down to Carson.

As soon as Carson reached the top he began to issue orders, Emeena moved over to Aiden and looked at his ankle, "it's broken," she stated softly as Carson knelt beside her.

"Wrap it; Bates can help him back to the gate. We'll have to carry the boys back," Carson stated. The trek back to the gate was painfully long, Bates helped Ford, while a couple of the other doctors helped carry John and Rodney back to the gate. Carson closed his eyes before stepping through the gate, he was sure he would never forget this nightmare, and he was sure his friends would never forget it either. He prayed they came out of this all right, Rodney was seriously injured, but John looked like he would be fine.


	3. The Diagnosis

Further medical teams were standing by in the gate room when they arrived. Emeena and Carson both started reissuing orders, "I want head, face, back and rib x-rays, CT scan on both these two. The Major will need stitches, get him cleaned up at least a little then get the scans of him. Don't jolt Rodney, I think he may have strained his back. Lieutenant Ford has a broken ankle, but I want an x-ray anyway to make sure it's a clean break. Bandage his hands as well before they get infected," Carson ordered. He hurried along beside the rest of his medical team as they headed to the infirmary. Emeena was naming off medications to begin.

"Carson?" Elizabeth asked when they finally reached the infirmary. He stopped and looked at her.

"I don't know a lot right now lass, I'll be out as soon as I know more," he squeezed her arm and headed through the doors.

Things began to settle down just after an hour later. Carson stood in front of the three beds, his eyes skimming over the chart belonging to Rodney. He shook his head in anger and disbelief.

"Carson, you paged me?" Elizabeth said coming in and looking at him. Carson looked up at her and nodded.

"Indeed I did," he replied softly.

"So…?"

"Lieutenant Ford has a broken ankle he should be on crutches in a week, and spend another five weeks in the cast. He'll be fine. Major Sheppard hit his left temporal lobe just above his visual cortex…there's was a mild trauma to that area, currently there's swelling around the temporal lobe of his brain…Elizabeth he's blind."

Elizabeth was stunned, stunned speechless. John was blind, it couldn't be possible, "is it…"

"It may be only temporary, but it's too soon to tell. If it is temporary he may not get his sight back all at once, or for awhile. Either way he's going to have to learn how to get around without being able to see. If he wakes up tomorrow morning I'll release him Friday."

"And Rodney?" Carson became quiet.

"Come with me," he replied. He led her over to the empty part of the infirmary and looked at her, "Rodney is suffering from a mild concussion and a strained back…however his blood work is what concerns me."

"What?" Elizabeth asked.

"Elizabeth, he took a sleeping pill last night…actually about six hours ago, unfortunately it hadn't worn off."

"My god, I should have known. He had a nightmare last night…"

"Lass…"

"I shouldn't have let him go Carson, he just didn't seem right. He looked completely out of it."

"Listen, the medication will wear off in a couple hours, as soon as it has I'll give him a little morphine and allow him to sleep. Tomorrow I'll release him, but he's going to feel really guilty. He's going to need you by his side…so will John."

"I…when are you going to tell John?"

"I don't know yet…I'd like to keep Rodney's condition from him."

"You don't think John would blame Rodney for this do you?" Elizabeth was horrified that Carson could even mention it.

"It wouldn't be unusual; it's natural for a person suffering from this kind of devastation to lash out looking for someone to blame."

"John wouldn't do that," Carson raised an eyebrow at her thought.

"All I'm saying is we need to prepare for that," Carson stated softly looking at the woman he had become close to.

"All right, call me when they wake up."

"Okay," he replied.

With a deep sigh Elizabeth turned around and left Carson to his job. As she walked Elizabeth couldn't help but feel a little anger towards Rodney. Last night he hadn't spoken to her much about the dream. When they fell asleep he didn't seem to have any further problems. However he had failed to mention he had taken the sleeping pill and was still groggy before leaving for his mission. She shook her head, she was a much at fault as he was. She had sent him seeing full well he wasn't all right.

He had seemed out of it all morning, even with a shower and four cups of coffee he seemed so lost in his own thoughts. She had hoped by the time they reached the other side of the wormhole that Rodney would be back to normal. _Well Elizabeth obviously you were very wrong._ She shook her head, trying to shake the thought from her mind. This was one of those times she needed Rodney, they could talk about anything.

She couldn't remember the number of times she had gone to him and told him how she was feeling. She smiled at the thought of the first time she had ever gone to him to talk to him…

_She smiled as the door opened to reveal Rodney; he looked tired, obviously after hours of worrying whether he'd live or die, then having to worry about saving the others. _

_"Hey…I brought some coffee, thought you might like to talk," he said softly, holding up the two cups and the container. _

_Elizabeth smiled softly and let him into her quarters, "How are you?" She asked._

_"Well…adjusting, Beckett and me are going back down there tomorrow in hazmat suits to make sure everything is contained. But that's not why I'm down here. How are you?"_

_"I'm not sure…"_

_"Elizabeth, we were stuck in there for hours, and you had to listen to us, I know how hard it was in there watching us die, I can only imagine how you felt. I know John didn't help, but he was only trying to help us Elizabeth."_

_"How he went about it was wrong," Elizabeth stated calmly as he poured her a cup of coffee._

_"I'm not denying it, but he did save us. So…how are you really?"_

_"Angry, frustrated…confused. How am I supposed to get hundreds of people to believe and trust me when my commanding military officer won't even listen to me?"_

_"Elizabeth no one respects you any less for what happened. If anything we respect you more, I mean you stood your ground, you were prepared to defend your point of view and how you felt one hundred percent. That's what a commander does."_

_"What about you Rodney, and Carson?"_

_"What about us?"_

_"You're stuck with me as a commander…"_

_"We're not stuck with you. Elizabeth when I first met you I was terrified, because I knew there wasn't anything I could get away with. I was sure you were going to be some tight assed bitch. That you would make me do everything by the books. And in some ways you did Elizabeth, but you also let us do our jobs even if it means we don't do things by the books."_

_"Rodney you're an amazing scientist that was the biggest comfort I had in waiting. Both today and a few months earlier when you were stuck in the gate; knowing that you were there trying to find a way to help. I just knew you guys would survive."_

_"Elizabeth I…" he stopped and looked at her, "you're not alone Elizabeth, we're here and we all want to help you. There's no question the burden you are carrying is a big one, but you don't have to endure it by yourself," she smiled softly at him._

_"Thank you Rodney," she said softly, feeling an enormous weight lifted off her shoulders. He smiled and pressed a kiss to her cheek._

_"Your welcome, goodnight," with that he headed out of the room._

Elizabeth sighed and jumped in surprise when she realized she had walked to Rodney's quarters without even paying attention. Sighing she looked at the door and pressed her hand against the control panel, seeing it open she stepped inside.

It felt like him, smelled like him, she moved over to the bed smiling as she sat down, her mind filling with memories of their late night discussions. Lying down on the bed she curled up against the pillow, closing her eyes and praying for a quick release from the worry they were about to embark into.


	4. Over Dose

Author's Note: In light of the end to season one on SCI for Stargate Atlantis I decided to devulge a few of my own secrets about this lovely series I'm writing. It will continue as it has so far, more will be explained in later stories, however for now there will be new charcaters introduced soon, including one Colonel Caldwell, but he won't be alone. Something also to look forward to is an explanation as to why the Wraith haven't been in any of the plots yet, and a new race to worry about all together. Stay tuned if you're interested! Also the world of SG-1 is a wee bit different but that won't play a big part for another four or five stories.

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Elizabeth awoke to the sound of Carson Beckett's voice in her ear, "Dr. Weir," the voice came again. She looked around and groaned softly, realizing she had fallen asleep. She looked at the clock beside Rodney's bed and realized that had been nearly twelve hours ago. 

"Oh my god," she whispered.

"Elizabeth are you all right?" The voice rang through her microphone in her ear.

"I'm here Carson…I must have fallen asleep," the last part was more to herself but she smiled when she heard Carson's chuckle.

"It's been a long couple days lass. I'm paging you because the boys are awake and Rodney is asking for ya."

"Thank you Carson, I'll be right there," getting out of Rodney's bed she looked around, the sky outside was dark, meaning it had been somewhere between fifteen to twenty hours since they had brought Sheppard and Rodney home. She sighed and headed out of the room.

Carson was speaking with Rodney twenty minutes later when Elizabeth arrived, looking tired but awake. He smiled as she joined them.

"How's the patient?" She asked smiling.

"Fine, now he wants to go to his own bed," Rodney said pointedly.

"As you can see…our patient is quickly returning to his annoying habits already," Carson said grinning.

"I'm fine, can I go please," Rodney said trying to sit up. He gasped as white hot pain ripped through his back.

"Yes Rodney, you can attempt to get up and fall to the floor in pain. Certainly, I see no problem with that…do you Dr. Weir?" Carson said sarcastically.

"Okay I get the point," bit Rodney lying back against the bed as the pain passed.

"Good, you'll be released tomorrow," Carson stated.

"How's John?" Elizabeth asked.

"I told him a few moments ago, Teyla is with him at the moment," Carson led her over to the next bed. John was sitting on the bed, his unseeing eyes were staring ahead as Teyla sat beside him holding his hand.

"How do you feel Major?" Elizabeth asked, a little worried about the answer.

"Well…excluding the obvious, thankful to be alive. Carson… how am I supposed to get around?"

"Teyla will help, so will everyone else; I'll get you a cane to use for awhile. Don't worry major this is only temporary."

"You hope," muttered John.

"No Major, I don't, you CAT scan from this morning was already showing the swelling starting to go down."

"So how long?"

"It's hard to tell, but there's no scar tissue and if you take care of yourself not too long," he said smiling softly.

"So how soon until I'm out of here?" John asked turning his face towards the Scottish accent.

"Couple days, just try and get some rest lad."

As promised Rodney was released early the next morning with a small bottle of valium and orders to get some rest. John was released a day later, with Teyla's help.

Rodney headed to his lab for the first time since he had been released. The place was a mess; Rodney shook his head, and decided the lab could wait for just another day. He paused, realizing the pain in his back wasn't going away. He quickly popped a couple of the valium pills in his mouth and made his way to his quarters.

John had been roaming the halls, left hand to the wall trying to find his way through the entire hall when he heard people talking. He turned his head slightly, pretending not to listen, and waited to hear the rest of the conversation, "I can't believe Dr. Weir let him go out like that," came one voice that John could only guess was Bates.

"If you ask me the Major would have been smart to never pick Rodney for his team. He's a damn fool, now the Major is paying for it."

"Dr. Beckett says there was more than trace amounts of the sleeping pills in his blood stream, mans' probably been messed up for months now and no one noticed," Bates returned.

John felt his anger begin to rise wildly. He hadn't told anyone how he was feeling about being blind. He couldn't explain how lost and angry he felt, what these two men saying.

"It's Rodney McKay's fault John is blind, stupid little arrogant asshole," came the other man's voice. John had yet to figure out who the second person was, but it was obvious he didn't think much of McKay. Although John was beginning to think less and less of the man himself, as well as getting angry at these men for accusing Rodney of such heinous things. If Rodney had a problem John was sure he would have told someone.

With a soft huff John moved towards his room, he knew it was probably only feet away, he was pleased with himself when he finally found it and moved inside. As the door closed behind him he took a moment to let his anger slowly boil away.

Elizabeth sighed as she moved towards her quarters. Although he tried to hide it, John wasn't taking his blindness very well, it was obvious he was beginning to feel frustrated by it. She was thankful no one had mentioned Rodney's involvement and problems as well. She kept hoping John wouldn't find out, afraid perhaps what Carson had said about blaming him would come to be true.

Rodney had been released yesterday and she had allowed him the day to himself, to get back to normal. He had pretty much isolated himself in the lab for all of yesterday and part of her was screaming to go see him now.

As she continued to walk she realized how quiet the halls were, she paused near Rodney's room, normally there was someone or something going on in the hallways. Out of instinct she pressed her hand against the control panel and stepped inside the room.

She vividly remembered being scared of the dark as a child, before her mother had died she would run to her mother's room and cry in her arms that it was too quiet and she saw things in the dark.

The room was making her feel very young and small again, like she had all those years ago. She took a further step inside the room, it was dark, and there were no signs of life as she continued to walk around the living space. She moved towards the bed, Rodney was nowhere to be seen. She spotted the bathroom door cracked open, the light shinning through.

"Rodney?" She moved towards the door, her hand was shaking as she reached to push the bathroom door open and gasped in fear as he came into sight. Lying sprawled on the floor unconscious. She rushed to his side and touched his neck to find a pulse. It only took a moment to realize that her hand felt nothing and his chest wasn't rising.

"Carson," she called into her ear piece, praying for that the doctor had his ear set on.

"I'm here lass, what's wrong?" His Scottish accent never sounded sweeter.

"Rodney…I found him unconscious in his quarters…he's not breathing Carson," she whispered.

"Start CPR, I'm on my way," with that she was left alone with him again. Taking a deep breath she tried to remember what she had been taught in first aid. She tilted his chin back, and looked in his mouth, seeing no obstructions she blew the first puff of air into his mouth. Seeing his chest rise she did it again, she waited, checking his throat, finding no heart beat, she began chest compressions, five and then another breath. Time seemed to stop as she continued the mantra, checking for once in awhile. She only became aware of Carson's presence when she felt his gentle hands on her arms pulling her away.

"I'll take over lass," he said gently.

She sat back in horror watching Carson's seemingly slow movements. She watched Carson and two other medical personnel open his shirt, charge the paddles of the portable defibrillator.

"Clear!" Carson called.

She watched Rodney's body react to the electric shock. She covered her mouth, trying to hide the sob, she was surprised when she felt tears on her cheeks, when had she started crying, had it been during the frantic chest compressions.

"Again!" Carson called.

TBC


	5. Jolting

A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, it's good to know people are enjoying the series, and as far as I know I plan to continue...it sorta mutated into...I have no idea, but it's taken it's own path at this point. Anyway there will be some surprises. Please review! thanks

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Another jolt, she observed Carson press his fingers to the cold clammy neck, "I've got a pulse," it was the best sound she had ever heard. She felt her own hear beat again, her breathing start back up, "I want chest and head x-rays, a CT of his head, get me a CBC scan as well as a toxin scan. Set him up on an IV of saline…"

"Carson…?" Elizabeth whispered from where she sat on the floor by the bed. The two medical personnel were already loading Rodney into a litter and carrying him to the infirmary.

Kneeling down Carson placed a gentle hand on her thin shoulder, drawing her attention to his big beautiful blue eyes, "it's going to be okay lass, we'll care for him," she shook her head.

"I…" she bit her lip to hold back her sob. She couldn't…she wouldn't cry in front of him. She was the commander; she was supposed to be strong. She couldn't cry on a whim. She should have known Carson didn't care about her position as a commander, he cared about her personally. She felt his arms wrap around her waist and pull her close.

"It's all right lass, he's going to be fine," Carson prayed it was the truth, prayed he was telling her something that he honestly didn't know yet. He rubbed her back softly, trying to calm her down. She buried her head in his shoulder, taking a moment to compose herself.

"Come, let's go to the infirmary," he helped her up and led her to the door. She stopped and looked back at the floor where she had found Rodney only moments earlier. She then straightened herself and headed out the door with him, taking on her natural role.

Carson watched her, and made a note to talk to her later and help her come to terms with what she had just seen and faced. Carson headed straight to the infirmary; however Teyla stopped Dr. Weir in the hallway.

"What is going on?" Teyla asked gently.

"I'm not sure, I found Dr. McKay in his room unconscious," Elizabeth explained hurriedly.

"Is he ill?"

"I don't know yet."

"Should I…"

"Wait, that's all I can tell you to do right now, I will inform you and Major Sheppard as soon as I know more," Elizabeth answered gently. Touching Teyla's shoulder she hurried to catch up to Carson in the infirmary.

Carson was already busy in the infirmary when she arrived. He looked up at her and waved her over, "how long with the results take?"

"Not much, the nice thing about ancient technology is it works faster than the human's stuff. Nurse Jennings is already getting him stabilized and taking the films, we should know within the hour. Elizabeth, there's more I'd like to ask you."

"Anything I can help with," Elizabeth responded simply.

"How has Rodney been sleeping…I mean when your with him? Does he seem restless, confused, nightmares?"

"He sleeps like he's always slept…"

"Not at all?" Carson joked softly.

Elizabeth grinned and shrugged, "He's been a little more restless than usual I suppose, but he's slept. He has complained of headaches and nightmares. But he hasn't told me much more than that. I assumed the nightmares weren't bothering him anymore when he didn't mention it again."

"Did you look in the bathroom for anything?"

"No…"

"Amanda," Carson called. The younger nurse hurried over to his side, "this is very important Amanda, I need you to go to Dr. McKay's room and get any pill bottles or vials in his bathroom and bedroom, bring them to me, and not a word about it."

Elizabeth watched the girl leave then looked at Carson, "what's wrong Carson? What have I missed?"

"You haven't missed anything, at least nothing the rest of us haven't missed. I have a hunch, but it won't do me any good to tell you and worry you. I will wait to find out more then I'll fill you in. Elizabeth what we've spoken about in this room and what we discuss further is to remain in this room. I realize this may seem obvious, but if this gets out…let's just say Rodney's reputation will change rapidly."

"All right, of course," Elizabeth replied becoming very nervous.

"Why don't you go sit with him, he's asleep right now, and will remain that way for awhile, I'll let you know as soon as we know more."

"All right," she whispered softly and moved over to his bed.

Sighing Carson watched her grip his hand in her's and look at his face. Carson shook his head, he had never been much of a religious man, his mum and dad had believed in it, but he had always been a little doubtful about an all powerful being. However, not for the first time in his life, he found himself praying to whoever was listening to help them through this. He didn't know what they faced ahead, but he knew it couldn't be good.

_The house was empty and quiet, not for the first time, it had been empty since the death of her parents all those years ago. She sighed and walked through, touching the couch, and the tables. Her fingers coming away covered in dust. _

_"Mom? Dad?" she called, taking a deep breath she headed up the stairs and took it all in. She smiled as she stopped by the door way, where a little girl with dark brown hair sat playing on the floor with a beautiful golden retriever puppy. _

_"Hello there," Elizabeth said kneeling down to the small girl. The small girl turned and Elizabeth was stunned to see it was her…well her nearly thirty years ago._

_"Mommy and daddy aren't coming back are they," the small girl said. Elizabeth looked at the girl in confusion._

_"No, I'm sorry sweet child," a voice from behind her came. Turning Elizabeth was stunned to see her Aunt Callie._

_"I miss them," the child whimpered._

_"I know child, but they wouldn't want you to be sad. Now remember what daddy always used to say?"_

_"To live in the moment, and love endlessly," she said gently. Smiling Callie nodded and lifted the four year old into her arms._

"Lass…" Elizabeth jumped and looked around, realizing where she was. She looked down at the hand in her hands. She looked up at Rodney, he was still asleep. She felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped again, turning she looked at Carson.

"Sorry…I must have fallen asleep," she whispered.

"I noticed, don't worry lass, it's been a long night, come I'll tell you what we've learned," she nodded and left Rodney's side.

"Rodney's been taking sleeping pills…quite a few, based on the recent report of sleeping pills taken, I can easily assume he has become addicted. He overdosed on the sleeping pills."

"My god," she whispered, "what do we do now?" Elizabeth asked softly.

"We wait, he'll begin the process of detoxification tomorrow, it won't be an easy road Elizabeth. I don't know how much you know about withdrawals, but they can be very painful and sometimes deadly. We have to be careful."

"How long?"

"Anywhere from a month to three months," Carson said sadly.

"We'll help him," Elizabeth stated firmly. Carson smiled softly and nodded, "I'll be honest we may have never told each other, but I love him, and I won't watch him die."

"I know, and I'll be right there by your side helping you," he replied.


	6. Stop the Pity

A/N: Ah, another chapter, thank you all of those who reviewed. It's nice to know people like the series. Please read and review. As for the question about the stomach pumped, they would most likely wait until they got into the infirmary, so they can get fluids in him. I didn't write about it because it's an incrediably unpleasant process, believe me I've seen it, and I know of at least two ways they do it, it's not nice. Anyway, continuing with the story, you know the deal I own Emeena no one else, enjoy R&R :)

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It didn't take long for John to find out what had happened, if he hadn't already been sure about Rodney causing his blindness this cemented the thought for John. He was furious when he found out, and he was venting it when Teyla opened the door.

Teyla stood in the doorway watching John attempt to move around the room and vent his frustrations. She had been expecting this, she knew John was angry and frustrated, Rodney's illness was only adding to his anger.

"DAMN IT!" John screamed tripping over a table as he reached out trying to grab something. Teyla hurried to his side helping him to his feet.

"Leave me alone!" He growled.

"I am here to help you, similar to Elizabeth and Carson. We've been trying to help you for the past three days, but you seem to push us away."

"Help me! You mean like Rodney helped by being so out of it he couldn't see straight! Or like Carson telling me it was only a matter of time for waiting for my sight to come back!"

"This is not Rodney's…"

"You're on his side! What suddenly he tries to kill himself and it's not his fault?"

"Major! Doctor McKay has made a mistake. I am no here to take sides, I am here to help both of men I care about."

"Just leave me alone," he voice quickly becoming softer.

"I will not, you cannot do this on your own John…"

"I'm fine I don't need your help or anyone else's!"

"John…"

"I'm blind Teyla! What the hell do you want from me?"

"I want the pity to stop, you are still the John Sheppard you were before you were blinded. Whether you can or cannot see does not change that."

"Teyla…"

"John you are hurt, you are frightened. You are also considered strong among your people they look up to you for direction and hope. They need your guidance, what will it look like if you give up now? Sitting here in anger isn't going to change what has happened."

"I'm not weak if that's what you're trying to say…"

"Stop it!" she yelled, catching his attention, "stop being so…arrogant as you say it so frequently. Stop the pity, stop the defensiveness, just stop! I am simply saying you are the John Sheppard I know, the one I care for very deeply. The John I know would never allow an affliction such as blindness stop him, nor would he allow it to ruin a friendship. Yes Rodney made a mistake, but so did you. You did not stop him from going on that mission when you knew something was wrong. Blame is easy to find John, but what about forgiveness…I've read about your people about your God. I have also read he is all forgiving. No one needs the blame John, they need forgiveness; you need it, Rodney needs it. He also needs the support and strength only a friend such as you can give him," Teyla looked at him, taking a deep breath, she could feel something, a simply something in the pit of her stomach.

"Teyla…" he whispered through the silence. He knew she was still there, he took a step towards her, instinctively reaching out for her. He felt the soft skin below his fingers, he could imagine the beauty of her light chocolate skin, the warmth beneath his fingers. He moved his hands, finding her soft nose and full lips. He smiled as he felt along her cheeks and down to her thin long neck. He felt the muscles in her cheeks, just below his thumbs twitch, she was smiling. He felt her take a step closer to him, her body that much closer to his.

Teyla felt all of her emotions suddenly taking control, she leaned into his touch, smiling at the soft and gentleness of it all. She watched his head bow, the tips of his thumbs moved to the corners of his mouth. Moments later their mouths met in passion, a soft gentle kiss. Teyla smiled, moaning against the kiss as her own hands found their way to his back and neck, running her hands against the nape of his neck and hair.

His hands moved from her mouth down her arms, feeling his way to her elbows, which bent by his shoulders. Her hands were just under his ears, thumbs circling softly around the edge of his jaw bone, running her fingers through his silky hair. He smiled and pressed his hands against the small of her back, down to her hips, he could feel the silkiness of her skin at her waist and stomach. His fingers circled at her hips. He pulled her closer if it was possible, the kiss deepened.

John was aware of every sensation, every feeling through his entire body, the heat, the passion. He felt her pull away slightly, he could feel her eyes upon him, upon his face.

Her own hands found their way to his cheeks and lips, he pressed a kiss into the palm of her hand and smiled, hoping he was smiling at her.

"I…" he said breathlessly.

She pressed her finger to his lips and smiled softly, "sleep; we will talk later," she said, her voice changed. He could tell something had changed.

He tilted his head, listening to her walk out of the room, he heard the door close behind her and he grinned. Turning he felt his way to his balcony, he found the rail quickly and allowed himself to relax.

The lights were blinding as he slowly opened his eyes, the lights were dimmed, the windows dark, leading him to the obvious conclusion it was night, looking around he saw Carson standing there looking through some charts.

"Carson?"

"Rodney," Carson's voice was grim and pensive.

"Where?"

"You're in the infirmary, you overdosed on sleeping pills."

"I…" Rodney began.

"Rodney, how long have you been taking them?" Carson didn't cut the corners.

"Since returning from Caledonia…the first time," Rodney spoke honestly. Carson shook his head.

"Are you daft? You're a doctor Rodney, perhaps not a medical doctor, but even a man of science knows the dangers of sleeping pills. You were on them when you and Sheppard got hurt," Rodney nodded slowly, confirming what Carson knew all along.

"So what now?" Rodney asked.

"You start the worst part of this addiction…"

"The quitting," Rodney said agreeing with him.

"Yeah, get some sleep, it may be the best sleep you'll get in a long time," Carson said gently placing a hand on his friend's shoulder.

_She stood in the house…the house that had been empty for so many years, she looked around, hadn't she done this already. She walked up the stairs, looking around, she stopped by the room where the little girl sat, playing with the little puppy._

_"Mommy is dead," came the small girl's voice._

_"Can you see me?" Elizabeth asked kneeling in front of the child._

_"Mommy says she'll always be with me," the girl said simply._

_"That's right, mom said that yes."_

_"She's dead you know," the girl said turning and looking at Elizabeth._

_"Yes I know, she died when I was four."_

_"She wanted me to remember her as the mother she was…that's why she sent me here," the girl stated flatly._

_"Sent you to your room? I don't remember that."_

_"You've blocked it…because you didn't stay in your room. I'm staying here," the girl whispered._

_"Why? Why didn't I stay in my room Lizzie?"_

_"Mommy wanted us to remember her the way she was."_

_"Yes I know, but why?"_

_"She doesn't want you to remember."_

_"Remember what Lizzie," she said calling the girl by her childhood nickname._

_"Liz, honey," Callie's voice came from behind her._

Elizabeth snapped awake in her bed, taking a deep breath she shook her head. Her mother had wanted her to remember something…what. She sighed and rubbed her face with her hands.

"Jeez mom, what do you want," she muttered. Taking a deep breath she climbed out of her bed and headed to her balcony, the only place in the world where she could let go of all her problems and just think.


	7. The Beginning

The water rolled against the sides of Atlantis, the night air had become chilly against his now red cheeks. The breeze was grazing his face, leaving the light chill. He closed his eyes, not that he needed to, the darkness was becoming a friend. All the feelings from earlier in the afternoon returned. He had been standing out there for two hours, but the memory would forever be engraved in his mind. The touch of her hands against his neck and cheeks, the feel of her lips against his, the silky feeling of her skin under his finger tips.

"Sir?" He jumped slightly at the sound of the voice, he would have to get used to hearing people's footsteps, at least for awhile. John grinned, not bothering to face the young Lieutenant.

"We're so busy rushing around trying to save our asses that we never stop…to just listen," John whispered.

"Major?" Ford stepped beside his friend. John tilted his head towards the sound, the returned it to the sea.

"Carson told me when a person looses one sense the other's intensify," John explained simply.

"How long have you been out here?" Ford asked.

"Couple hours, three at most."

"Dr. Weir was looking for you…but that was awhile ago. She wanted to tell you Dr. McKay woke up. They're going to start treatment on him tomorrow. Doc Beckett says it's going to be a long road."

John felt a little of his anger return from earlier, then remembered what Teyla had said to him, "I've just been listening…it feels like…I'm on the beech back home."

"Major it's only temporary."

"That's probably true, but I'm not going to hold out much hope," John stated softly.

"Major…I know you're probably angry at the moment, but Dr. McKay's going to need all of us," Aiden said simply.

"Once I come to terms with it, then I'll try to forgive him…it's not going to be easy."

"I know, he's hurt a lot of people, and broken some trust, we all know that, I think he even knows it. But it's no longer about that, it's about helping him get that trust back."

"I should get some rest; I'll see you in the morning."

Ford grinned at the comment, "Need any help?"

"No…I think I'll manage thanks though."

"Now Rodney, we're going to start this off simple, you get two doses today, one now and one at the end of the day, we'll continue that for the next day or two, then we'll lower it to once a day."

"Wait…how is this going to help me?" Rodney asked.

"Each day the amount you get will be decreased. This is vital Rodney if you ever want to get back to normal."

"Normal is overrated," Rodney stated sarcastically.

"Yes well so are drug addictions."

"Is this going to hurt?"

"Probably," Carson wasn't going to sweeten it for him, or make it easy. This was hard and it was going to hurt, it was going to really be frightening. "Rodney, you're going to survive this lad, I promise you that much."

"Comforting…when do I get the first dose?" He asked fidgeting as the pain began to mount, "does this mean you'll be taking me off the valium as well?"

"Oh yeah, you're going sober my friend, here's your first does, three pills, until this evening, that's it," he said handing the man the pills.

"Wait, four don't even work…"

"Guess you better hope it words this time," Carson stated gently.

"Carson…" he paused.

"Yes Rodney?"

"I really screwed up didn't I," he whispered.

"That's obvious isn't it…yes Rodney, you really messed up this time."

"I'm really sorry…I don't know why I came on this damn mission," Rodney whispered.

"Hey, that's not Rodney McKay speaking, that's the withdrawal. The Rodney McKay we know and care about knows exactly why he came on this missions. You came to save people, to save your people, the people of your world."

"I abused your trust…"

"Yes, you did, but I can forgive that. Rodney friendships are based on more than just trust. Granted that's a lot of it, I can get over that. This isn't about the trust, this is about helping you go back to the man we know and love."

"You really want the arrogant asshole back?"

"No, I really want Rodney back though. I've learned a lot from being here, one thing I've learned is you've got to rely on your friends, because we never know when we won't be here anymore. I'm not gonna lose ya now lad."

"I feel lost," Rodney whispered.

"I know, that's the withdrawal. It's going to be rough Rodney, you're going to feel anxious, depressed, worried, scared, some days you won't even feel like getting out of bed."

"I've been feeling like that for weeks."

"Then it can't get any worse Rodney."

"So what do I do?"

"You sleep when you can, you work with us through this, and we'll have you back to normal before you can think about all the dumb things you've really done."

"I'm tired…my back hurts," he whispered.

"I know, here, roll over," helping Rodney roll onto his back, Carson gently began to kneed the tense muscles. He continued to work out Rodney's kinks as he felt the man begin to relax under his hands. He breathed a sigh of relief when Rodney's breathing evened out. He was asleep. Carson patted the man's head and shook his head, "we'll get you through this lad," with a soft smile, Carson pulled the blankets up over the man's shoulders and left him to his sleep.

"_What did mom want me to forget Liz?" Elizabeth asked kneeling in front of the girl once again._

_"Death," the girl explained simply._

_"But why? What does she want me to forget?"_

_"She wants you to remember her for what you knew not what you saw…"_

"Why Elizabeth, what did you see?" the strange voice asked her.

"Death," Elizabeth explained simply Teyla and Emeena stood in the room with Heightmeyer and Elizabeth. Elizabeth's eyes were closed as she lay against the couch.

"Whose death?" Heightmeyer asked. Elizabeth was silent for a moment.

"She wants me to forget," Elizabeth stated.

"What does she want you to forget Lizzie, whose death does she want you to forget?"

"Her's…" Heightmeyer looked sadly at Elizabeth then back at Teyla and Emeena.

"Good Elizabeth, now when I count to three you'll wake up and remember what we've discussed…one…two…three," Elizabeth's hazel green eyes opened and she looked at Heightmeyer.

"I…My mother's death…mom wanted me to forget my mother's death."

"Why Elizabeth tell us why, tell me why? What happened?" Kate asked softly.

"I was four…"

_She walked through the house, "mommy I'm home!" she called as she hurried up the stairs. The house was eerie and quiet, she looked around, into her room, where her new puppy lay sleeping on her bed._

_"Mommy?" she called again. Not seeing her, Elizabeth moved towards the bedroom. The door was closed, knocking quietly Elizabeth called for her again, "mommy I'm home! Don't you want to see the pretty painting I colored today?"_

_"Mommy?" she asked pushing the door open, the room was filled with light from the window. Elizabeth wandered towards her mother's closet, "mama?" She asked gently. She turned and moved to the other side of the bed._

"Oh god!" she cried, closing her eyes Elizabeth buried her head in her hands, "my mother…she overdosed on drugs. I always knew it. They took me…they took me away from my father when I was seven because dad became alcoholic…my mother killed herself," Elizabeth whispered.

Kate sighed and shook her head, "Elizabeth look at me, there's a reason you remembered this."

"Rodney?" Elizabeth asked gently.

"Elizabeth this may help him if he knows you've seen the pain before. He needs you now."

"I don't know what to do," Elizabeth whispered looking up at Kate. Kate smiled softly and squeezed the woman's hand.

"Of course you do, just be yourself. That's all Rodney wants or needs."

"Thank you Kate," she said smiling sadly. Kate nodded. Getting up Elizabeth looked at her three friends, she had grown close to these women over the several months, thankful she had her own group of friends as well as the guys.

"Shall we go see him?" Teyla said smiling.

"I would like that…Kate, thank you again."

"You're welcome, and I'll be reporting there in a couple hours to check up on my other two patients, Teyla let John know he and I have to talk?"

"I will inform him Kate," she said smiling softly at the blonde doctor.


	8. Nightmares

Author's Note: I apologize for not updating recently, I'm busy between homework, our muscial and volunteering. Bare with me folks we've only got thirty more days of school before I'm finally a college student. I plan to update sometime again mid week before I start the next story in the series. I'm writing on my free time. Please Read and review.  
Warning: It gets a little mushy, and I tried to be as factual as possible, please forgive me if I'm wrong in some of the things I wrote, for some reason I wasn't able to find a lot of information on the internet about sleeping pills and withdrawl from them. Once again thank you for your patience. Steph

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Rodney was still fast asleep when Elizabeth arrived in the infirmary; Teyla had gone to speak with John, and Emeena was speaking with Carson in a nearby corner. Elizabeth sighed and sat down beside Rodney.

She placed her hand on his head, running her hands over his soft silky brown hair, she loved him, deeply.

"Liz…" his voice was just barely a whisper, looking down she saw his eyes were filled with tears and pain. She bit her lip, knowing this is how it had to be.

"Hey," she whispered in return.

"I really screwed up," he murmured through another wave of pain.

"Yes you did, but you're not alone," she said gently leaning close to him.

"How much longer?" he whimpered.

"I'm afraid you're just starting the long road home."

"I hurt you all…I hurt John, Carson and Teyla…even Aiden…How am I supposed to make this up?" He asked looking at her.

Taking a deep breath Elizabeth gripped his hand and smiled sadly, her other hand caressed his cheek, "you just took the first step. I forgive you, not that that was ever a question in your mind. As for John, he'll forgive you too."

"He's probably pissed as hell," Rodney whispered.

Elizabeth smiled softly, "for now; yes. But Rodney give him time, and give yourself time."

"I'm sorry Liz," he whispered.

"I know you are," she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"The nightmares just kept getting worse, I didn't know what to do. The pills made them go away Liz," he explained.

"Shh, gentle, I know sweetheart. Tell me about the dreams Rodney, tell me everything."

"I'm always walking alone…"

Carson watched from the other side of the room smiling. Elizabeth sat by Rodney's side talking to him. Well actually he was doing most of the talking, but he seemed to be making it through the first rough waves of pain and withdrawal.

"What?" Emeena asked smiling at Carson's grin.

"Nothing, I just…I never realized how good those two were for each other," he replied softly gazing at the couple. He watched Rodney grimace, but Elizabeth remained by his side, holding his hand as he took a breath.

"That's it lad, breathe through the pain," Carson whispered, knowing Elizabeth was saying the very same thing.

"Rodney is a good man," Emeena said softly.

"He is," turning his head Carson looked at Emeena with his clear blue eyes. Grinning he pulled her close and gave her a one armed hug.

As promised Carson delivered the second dose of sleeping pills shortly before dinner. Rodney looked at the pills lying in his hand, Elizabeth watched Rodney's reactions. Part of Rodney seemed to be relieved to get rid of the pain, to find some rest in his anxiety and worries, another part seemed hesitant.

"It's all right Rodney, this may be the first day, but you've made good progress," Carson said gently. Nodding Rodney downed the three pills, Carson smiled softly.

"That a boy, if you're good perhaps Elizabeth will rub your back this evening," Carson said smiling at the woman.

"Close your eyes Rodney, I'll be here when you wake," she whispered pressing a kiss to his temple.

Meanwhile Carson slipped out of the infirmary to take a look at his other patient, knowing he was leaving Rodney in the competent hands of a woman who loved him.

"John, it's me Carson," Carson called knocking on his friend's door. The door whooshed open, revealing Teyla, she smiled at the man and let him in.

"He's on the couch, we were…well I was watching football, he was listening."

"Excellent, John, I've come to check your pupil reactions, feel up to it?" Carson came over beside the Major and sat down on the coffee table in front of the man.

John was starting to adapt as he listened to the sound of Carson's light walk. His steps were different; they were light and full of life, as where Ford's were that of a young airman still learning how to sneak up on prey. Heightmeyer's feet were hesitant, always curious. Teyla was soft and gentle, always sneaking up on her prey or friend.

"I guess," John stated.

Carson pulled out his pen light and flashed it in John's left eye, the pupil instantly reacted as it grew tiny. He followed doing the same thing with John's right eye, "anything?"

"Not really," John answered truthfully.

"Any colors? Gray even?"

"No, maybe some shapes, but I'm not really sure," John answered.

"That's all right, it's only been three days since you were released, give it a little more time."

"It will come back right Carson?"

"As far as my scans read it should start coming back any time now."

"Would you like to join us for the best 'Hail Mary' of all time?" Sheppard asked. Carson looked at the screen and smiled.

"Don't mind if I do, looks like fun, do we have any popcorn?" Teyla smiled as she seated herself beside John again. Carson didn't miss the subtle slip of their hands as they met in Teyla's lap.

Carson smiled; it was good to know the people of Atlantis were beginning to move on after what they had left behind on Earth. Smiling Carson focused his attention on the screen in front of him.

_He stood on the desert planet, he looked around and saw no one. Suddenly he spotted John in the distance. Out of instinct and curiosity he moved towards the man._

_John was standing at the edge of the cliff, he was looking down. Rodney reached out for him, but just as his hand connected with John's shoulder the man stepped off the side of the cliff._

_"JOHN!" Rodney screamed as he looked over the edge. He came face to face with the cold green eyes._

_"It's all your fault…you did this to me!" _

"NO!" screamed Rodney as he sat up in bed, his breath coming quicker, he wasn't fully awake yet when he felt a pair of hands grab him he instantly began to fight them.

"No!" he cried out again fighting the hands and fighting the breathing. His breaths were coming quicker in agonizingly painful gasps.

"Rodney! Rodney, it's me Elizabeth, it's Elizabeth and Emeena," the voices called.

He reached out grabbing the arms that grasped him, his chest moving faster, the deeper he tried to breathe the harder it became, sweat was starting to trail down his face, mixing with the tears of fear.

Elizabeth watched Rodney's chest heaving as if he was in pain, he was acting like a caged animal, shivering but sweating, he looked horrible.

Emeena hurried over with a breathing mask and placed it on his face, however he began to try and push it away, "Rodney, it's the only way!" She called, trying to get through the hell he was entranced in.

"No! Please help me!" he sobbed.

"We're trying Rodney, God we're trying," Elizabeth called to him, she grabbed him in a hug as he continued to pant and wheeze. Emeena slipped the mask over his nose and mouth.

Elizabeth began to rub his back in slow steady circles, while Emeena got him some water. Rodney looked at her from where his head rested on Elizabeth's shoulder, "please…please," he whimpered.

"I'm sorry Rodney, believe it or not, but we're trying to help you, I know it hurts, but you're going to make it," Emeena whispered gently handing him the drink. His hands shook with tremors, Elizabeth helped him hold the cup and take a sip.

"John?"

"He's alive and doing well, he's still blind, but Carson thinks that'll get better soon."

"I feel sick," Emeena grabbed a bowl from another bed and held it for Rodney, while he threw up in it. Elizabeth sighed and gently rubbed his back over and over.

"We're here Rodney, we're here."

"Please," he whimpered again.

"We can't sweetheart, just hold on, it'll get better soon. Here lie down on your side," Elizabeth whispered. Rodney scooted down in the bed, lying on his side. Elizabeth quickly removed her shoes and took her place beside Rodney, facing him, she held one hand in her's and the other she caressed his cheek.

"We're here, you're going to make it Rodney, I promise," she whispered softly.

"Miss Rodney," he whimpered. Elizabeth nodded, smoothing down his bedraggled sweat drenched hair.

"I do too, but you'll be back to normal in no time sweetheart," she replaced the mask back over his mouth and nose, as Rodney's breathing began to return to normal.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You're starting to sound like that three year old we cared for over six months ago. You're an adult Rodney, and you have nothing to be sorry for," she pressed a kiss to his forehead, and then leaned their heads together.

Emeena smiled and pulled the blanket up, covering the two. Rodney's eyes slipped a few times before closing finally as he fell into another restless sleep. Elizabeth's eyes quickly followed as she felt herself slip into a dreamless sleep.


	9. Better Everyday

A/N: Sorry it took so long, it's been a really rough week last week and now things are starting to wind down so I'm trying to catch up with everything. Add in the fact that I still can't get rid of whatever this ickyness is and you've got one tired senior, so on with the show please read and review.

Seven Days Later

"Come on Rodney, if you don't get up you'll never get better," Carson said looking at his friend. Rodney sat on the edge of the infirmary bed, looking very hesitant, he was dressed…somehow. He had sweat pants and a long sleeve shirt on. His color was a gray pale, his eyes were surrounded by dark circles, but he was getting better everyday.

"I don't wanna get better," replied the grumpy scientist.

"Yes you do, besides there's someone who wants to see you," Elizabeth said as she came over and took his hand.

"What…Elizabeth, I hurt people…"

"And they've all forgiven you, trust me Rodney anyone that's still angry at you has no right to be. Now come on," she said smiling softly at him.

He felt fear rise in his throat and he looked at Carson, "you've gotta get out one day lad, take the first step."

"I took that step a week ago," muttered Rodney.

"Yes you did lad, and we're very proud of you, but now it's time for the next step. You're journey isn't over, but you're getting there."

"Yeah well call me when it is over," muttered Rodney trying to climb back into bed. Emeena, Teyla and Carson grabbed him quickly.

"Rodney you're still anxious around people, you're still shaking, we've got you off the pills, now we have to get you back to the normal arrogant cocky man we know and love. We can't do that if you don't go into public. All we're asking for is a little trip with us to the gate room. I think you'll be surprised by what you find there," Carson said simply.

"Nazi," muttered Rodney.

"There's the old Rodney, now get up," Rodney was brought to his feet against his will and was slowly walked out of the infirmary. He was all to aware of the hand in his, and the sudden rise of terror in his stomach, his breathing hitching in his chest, sweat beginning to form on his forehead.

"Breathe Rodney, it'll get easier, just take one step at a time," Carson spoke gently.

"It feels like someone's sitting on me," he muttered. Carson smiled as Elizabeth squeezed his hand.

"It'll get easier, Teyla, why don't you go see what his surprise is doing," Elizabeth said sweetly. Teyla grinned, reaching up she pressed a kiss to Rodney's cheek. She and Emeena moved down the hall, Elizabeth smiled and wrapped her arm around Rodney's waist.

For the first time Rodney felt a real smile form on his face, his other arm moved around her shoulders, "it's easier, knowing I have the support," he whispered.

"Then keep walking," Elizabeth joked.

Together the three friends made it down the hall, Rodney felt his stomach doing flip flops as they neared the gate room, however instead of going down the stairs they headed to the balcony.

"There's someone who wants to talk to you," Carson said simply.

"What if I don't wanna talk to him," whispered Rodney, knowing it was probably John.

"Then that's too bad, because you both have a lot of healing left to do and the only way it can get done is if you're willing to get over your stubborn streaks."

"Carson…is he still blind?"

"Yes Rodney, but…well I'll let him tell you," they stopped just outside the balcony. John stood at the edge of the railing, looking out, more like listening.

"I heard you a mile away, you gotta learn to be quieter McKay," John joked easily.

"Yeah well…I was never very good at that whole stealth thing, it's way overrated anyway," it was a pathetic come back, but currently he couldn't think of anything else.

"Teyla, Elizabeth, Carson, could Rodney and I have a moment?" John asked simply.

He waited, listening to the four sets of shoes walking away, knowing Emeena had joined the group, which left Rodney alone. John paused for a moment listening to the sounds around him. The first thing he heard was Rodney's labored breathing.

"Breathe McKay, I'm not going to kill you, I didn't the first time I met you I wouldn't now," John stated.

"John…."

"No Rodney, you've done you're talking, and now it's my turn. You screwed up, big time buddy, but I know you know that. You messed up and now you have to fix it. That's fine, but you've messed with people's trust. Mine especially, I'm always going to worry about you, you're a member of my team but now I have to worry if you're capable of handling the job of scientist on my team. You've put me in a rough position McKay, one that I don't like being in, because I have to add more worry to something I have trouble with everyday. What you do from here on out affects not just you but everyone, Teyla, Ford, Emeena, Carson and especially Elizabeth. Rodney, I'm not saying all of this to depress you further or hurt you, but I'm doing it to help and protect you. Rodney, temporarily you are being removed from AR-1, when Carson, Elizabeth and I feel sure you're doing much better, then we'll consider placing you back on the team." He turned his head, looking at the gray shapes, he could barely make out Rodney, his sight had been getting better for several days now, turning into vague shapes. Carson had explained he was indeed finally getting better.

Sighing John waited for the argument, but it never came. Rodney was silent beside him, his breathing had started slowing, but it was still fast, "Rodney, you are one of my closest friends and I don't want to lose you, and currently keeping you on this city for awhile will keep you safe until you're clean again."

"I understand."

"Rodney, I miss my friend, the arrogant ass hole I've come to know and love."

"I don't know if that Rodney is ever going to come back," murmured Rodney.

"He has to, believe it or not Rodney, but he's an important part of Atlantis. I once heard someone describe Colonel O'Neill's team as parts of a person, Carter was the brain, Teal'c was the strength, Daniel was the heart and O'Neill was the attitude. If I could describe my team like that you'd be in a similar position…you'd be the brains, because you are Rodney. You're the brains and you're a big part of our family. Like the little brother we feel the need to protect."

"I don't need protection," Rodney whispered.

John grinned, "of course not. This wasn't your fault Rodney, you may have screwed up but blinding me wasn't one of the things you did. You made a mistake, but we're gonna be okay."

Rodney looked at his friend and nodded slowly, "I can't help but feel…so useless. When I was on your team I wanted to prove…I felt like I had to prove that I was worthy of being on your team. I was the scientist that everyone said would never last, I'd never make it. Some even thought I'd be the first to die. I had to prove them wrong John. I just had to."

"Hey, first off you're not off the team. Second you proved yourself the first time you saved us, you are not, by any means just some scientist. And you haven't died not because we are good at saving your ass, but because you're smart enough to save yourself and ourselves. You're a good man Rodney."

"Thanks John…" he whispered.

Smiling John reached out to what he assumed was Rodney, pulling the man close he gave him a hug. He didn't expect Rodney to respond, but instantly they were clinging to each other.

"We're going to make it, you'll be fine, we both will be," John whispered.

Carson shone the light in one eye then the other, watching the pupils shrink, "anything?"

"Well yeah, before you blinded me," joked John as he rubbed his eyes. He looked around, his sight had almost returned to normal, things were still a little blurry, but for the most part his seeing had greatly improved. "Hey, how's Rodney?"

"Why, haven't you seen him lately?"

"Not recently, Elizabeth said he's taken to his lab a lot recently."

"He found something important that he thinks might help us for energy in the coming year. He's doing much better, his sleeping is still a little off, but he's doing much better. He's clean John, and he did it by sheer force. He wants back on your team."

"Carson, we've talked about this, I'll be back on duty in two weeks right?"

"As long as things keep improving yes," Carson said simply.

"Then as long as things keep improving for Rodney, then he'll be on the team by our first mission."

"He really is sorry John."

"I know he is…I'm not some cold hearted man Carson. Rodney is a great friend and the best little brother I've never had. I'm glad that he's here to fight by my side."

"We all are lad, but I'm just letting you know, he's worried you'll never let him back on the team," Carson explained simply.

Sighing John patted his friend on the arm, "he'll be back on my team in two weeks and not before. Gotta go Doc," with that John hopped off the gurney and headed out of the infirmary.

He slowly crept into the room, he didn't want to creep her out, but he was having trouble sleeping and he needed something. He needed to know he wasn't alone.

She slept on the edge of the large bed, on her said, her hair draping over her bare shoulders. She wore a tank top and a pair of flannel pajama bottoms. She looked just as beautiful asleep as she did awake.

Reaching out he touched her shoulder gingerly, "Elizabeth," he whispered.

She was fast asleep until she felt his touch, slowly lifting her eyes open she allowed her eyes to adjust to the dark. Rodney was kneeling in front of her. She couldn't make out his facial expression, but she easily assumed since he was here he was having trouble sleeping.

"Are you all right?" she asked gently.

"Yeah…just having some trouble…listen don't wanna sound like a five year old, but can I bunk here tonight?"

Elizabeth grinned, causing his smile to break into a wide grin, she scooted back, making room for him under the covers. Rodney slipped under the warm covers and moved closer to her. She scooted up against him, his arms wrapping around her waist.

"Sorry…I needed something, and I knew drugs weren't the option," he stated.

"I don't have a problem, I was feeling a bit lonely myself. What was the nightmare about?"

"John…falling," Rodney stated simply.

"Rodney, that wasn't your fault."

"I know, I'm just…my mind knows it, my heart is working to accept it," he said smiling. He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, his thumb pausing to rub her cheek gently.

"I found my mother after an overdose," Elizabeth blurted out quietly.

"What? When? You never told me that," Rodney was surprised.

"I didn't know how. I didn't even remember to be honest, I blocked it out of my mind. I started having nightmares about it after I found you on the floor. I didn't know what to do, so I went and asked Kate. She said I repressed the memory but now that I had someone to help me I could tell someone about it. Rodney, I've been through the pain before, I watched my mother fight the pain and loneliness of life. I watched her lose the battle. When I found you on the floor in your quarters…I was terrified I had lost you too," she whispered, her face amazingly strong.

Rodney smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead, he looked into her glorious eyes, "you didn't lose me, and you will never lose me. I'll always be here…I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she replied smiling.

Rodney's smile went from a shy smile to a grin in an instant for the second time as he pulled her close in a hug, "I've never really told anyone that before, I never loved any woman like I love you."

"Rodney, the feeling is one hundred and ten percent mutual," she said grinning.

He leaned forward, pressing his lips to her's. She smiled returning the passion instantly. His hands moved up her back, pulling her much closer. She wrapped her own arms around his neck. Their heart rates pulsing, blood pumping through their veins and their passion driving them.

The sun shone bright through the windows of the gate room, Elizabeth stood at the platform before the stairs looking down at her people. Her hair was pulled back in a pony tail, and her face showed no tension only confidence. Carson was standing near her side looking just as sure. Four heads swiveled up at them, a pair of green eyes, a pair of clear blue, and two brown eyes met Carson and Elizabeth's gaze. Elizabeth's eyes landed upon Rodney, she smiled as he fixed his equipment on last time.

"All right AR-1, I believe you are good to go," she called. John looked at Teyla then at Rodney smiling.

"We'll be back in time for supper," John said. With that he turned towards the gate and calmly led his three friends towards the event horizon. Pausing he looked back at Rodney.

Rodney looked at him nervously then nodded, "ready," he stated simply as he and John stepped through the gate.

Elizabeth smiled watching Rodney step through full of confidence. It was good to know the two men had reconciled and after nearly a month they were back to their normal habits, or were as close as they would get for awhile.

"Feel like a proud parent?" came Carson's question. Elizabeth smiled her hands in front of her she nodded slowly. Carson grinned and moved off to speak with Peter. Elizabeth's hands moved to her abdomen as she smiled slightly then turned to head off to her own office, knowing she had work to do.

Until Next Time Stay Tuned!

Next Time on Stargate Atlantis:

They were an unexpected gift from the future..."Solar flares," came his more clear response. He had removed his head from the pillow and was no looking at her seriously...They tried not to tell them too much..."He was ten when our little sister Maggie was born…she was early so of course dad was a little over protective of her.  
They just want to go home, and it's up to the Atlantian crew of the past to help get them home... Stargate Atlantis: From the Future


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